Chapter 11 - Carry you in the Background

(play the music for mood)

The tension was palpable. The Lebanese music filled the air with seductive blend of tambourines and drums. The tribal decor, the dim lights, shimmering candles on the table, the sinuous flow of belly dancers laid the primal feelings bare as Gitu and NK virtually tore each others clothes with their eyes. 

The belly dancer was especially awed by the handsome couple seated in the dark, secluded corner of the restaurant. Gitu felt a rising bout of anger inside her as the dancer came wiggling down to NK for the nth time, showing off her flat abs and shaking her ample boobs for him. NK was beyond himself with glee. The dancer left them alone shaking her hips for the bald diner in the next table, who generously tipped her. 

"Was I supposed to tip her?" NK began opening his wallet. 

"Nah! She got an eyeful of you. Good enough." She bit out. NK laughed. Dinner was irrelevant.

The air was thick with sexual tension. The two were getting along like house on fire with enough dashes of flirty mischief, easy conversation and shared interests but with a strong undercurrent of raw physical attraction. NK could not believe he was getting lucky with a fantastic girl like Gitu. Smart, intelligent, beautiful…and Khushi’s friend.

The drive to her apartment was rife with anticipation. They barely made out of the elevator when Gitu turned and grabbed NK’s collar. A crazed kiss-session followed with more grabbing and pushing as NK squeezed her bottom eliciting a nervous laugh from her. The two stumbled down the hallway and she fumbled with her keys, finally succeeding to open it. The apartment had ambient lights, just perfect for the explosions waiting to happen.

Gitu pushed down NK’s blazer and tore through his shirt. Planting a burning path of kisses from his adams apple to his navel as the fabric gave away. Then she pushed the shirt away and ran her nails along his muscled chest.

“Ow, careful! Wild cat!” NK grinned as he bunched her hair and pulled her head back. He lifted her dress and swiftly drew it over her head. Their lips locked again as they stumbled in to the bedroom. They laughed as the two fell on the bed and tore through the rest of their clothing. Gitu leaned forward to the nightstand while NK took advantage of the situation devouring her pert mounds. She pushed him down on his back and sat astride on him

“What do you have in mind?” NK asked naughtily.

“Well” she answered in a whisper, “What I have in mind will leave you begging for more? Ready or not, here I come”  . She tore the small shiny small packet with her teeth.

“Raarrhhh” she mock roared before she got down on him. NK was lost beyond his imagination.

****

NK was snoring softly. Gitu felt a pang of guilt using him in this way to extract the information she needed. A girls gotta do what she’s gotta do to survive! She consoled herself.

She softly moved his arm across her waist. She got out of the bed, taking considerable effort not to wake NK. She picked his cell phone and tiptoed into the kitchen. She sat down hiding behind the counter and flipped his phone open. The phone was locked!

Darn! All for nothing. Maybe he has something in his shirt pockets. She picked his clothing laying strewn in the living room and rummaged through his pockets. Nothing!

She had the sinking realization that she may have to repeat the performance and soon. I hate doing this to you NK, because honestly I care for you. If she couldn’t reach Khushi soon, things would turn really bad for her and she could not afford that.

NK watched through narrow slits of his shut eyes that Gitu had taken his cell phone to the other room. He got up and leaned on the bedroom door. He watched her rummaging through his things in the living room unaware of his presence. 

What are you hiding, my lovely Gitu? Whatever it was, you stand no chance, darling. I can razzle-dazzle you just as well as you can. It’s a game two can play, let’s see who reaches the finish line first.

He turned and threw himself on the bed. He fell asleep instantly. A disappointed Gitu came in to check on him and noted with satisfaction that he was fast asleep. She snuggled into the bed with him but she felt herself getting pinned to the bed. She purred as NK pushed her arms down into the mattress and began working his way down. NK and Gitu stirred up a nice storm first thing in the morning. 

*****

Sasi spent the better part of the morning struggling with his decision. He was left with no choice. He had to do what was best for Khushi. He had expected a lot more support from the SOS hotline he was given but he was disappointed by the quickness with which they washed their hands off the issue.

He closed the study door and sat on his leather office chear. He picked the phone and dialed a number.

“Hello, who’s this?” Kevin answered the phone in his characteristic west Chicago accent.

“This is Dr. Gupta….Khushi’s dad. I have some information about the Sabres that might be useful to you.”

“Dr. Gupta, don’t say another word over the phone. We will get in touch with you. Hang up now and don’t call anyone about this, and I mean anyone. Is that clear?”

Sasi looked at the disconnected receiver. His hands were cold and stiff with excitement and panic. He knew he had aged years in the last week since Khushi was attacked but it didn’t matter. He had to protect his daughter and if the SOS didn’t protect her, he would make a deal with the FBI.

*****

Noam was pacing his hotel room impatiently. It had been two fucking days and there was no sign of the birds or the Snitch. Without new information his hands were tied. He wanted a fresh kill and soon before it consumed him. (for all you Dexter lovers, and I love Dexter)

“Hi, here is some food. Do you want to starve to death or what?” David placed a bag of takeout food on the small table. Noam looked up, his eyes blood red and angry.

“I am not here on vacation. I don’t have to remind you that if we don’t get the whereabouts of the two soon, Boss will bust our chops.”

David took a mouthful of a burger and sat across Noam. He was busy savoring his food rather than focusing on their mission. In some ways, Noam envied David and his simple needs in life. There were no complications or care and he could simply place himself in the moment and relax. Like at this moment, he wiped the dribble off his chin and took a sip of his Coke.

 Noam envied David and Noam did not like envy because he was used to be in power. Boss was about the only person Noam could tolerate but with huge resentment. He had never met the Boss but knew the chain of command leading to the Boss was rife with dangerous people, even more dangerous than him. He had to bide his time, get the spoils of this mission and retire. He could live the rest of his life with Mariam and satisfy his need for blood by butchering animals.

Noam banged his fist on the table. David almost dropped his burger and looked up in surprise.

“What was that for man?”

“Listen, you motherfucker. You better send the Snitch a sign soon. Show that we matter, that we are not to be fooled around.” Noam got up and leaned close to David face. David’s eyes widened in fear. “Am I clear?”

“Yes Noam, you are clear. I will be right on it.” David shoved back his leftover food, cursing Noam in his head for taking the joy out of eating his burger. He got up and left the room with his bag of food.

*****

Kevin had called in to share that Dr. Gupta was ready to spill the beans on the Sabres. ASR was mad as hell at Khushi’s dad for hiding any leads that could have saved all of them a lot of trouble and kept his daughter out of harm’s way. First, he wanted to listen to what the old man had to say before he gave him a piece of his mind.

The drive to her house was over 10 hours. Unusual to her, Khushi could not sleep through the drive. She had trouble facing ASR, embarrassed that they had let themselves fall prey to the moment. She was mostly quiet for the first half of the drive.

He must really love her, her rational side reasoned, yet, her heart refused to accept that there was nothing between them. She had seen those eyes melt for her, his genuine concern and care for her. He was not just doing his job. The kiss was sincere and his need for her was real too. If all he had wanted was a booty call, he would have been very careful spilling another woman’s name during their make out. That reasoning made her feel better.  She had to know about Lana, for her own peace of mind.

ASR  had apologized to her for his stupidity, but a simple word could not erase the blow he had dealt to her. He wanted her to know the truth but was unsure because he didn't know how she felt about him. He was afraid that after she found out the truth, she’d probably like him more out of pity than anything. He didn’t want pity or sympathy. He wanted her as the wholesome person that she was with her ability to love him as a wholesome person.

But you are not whole, ASR. Admit it. You are scarred, for life. And Lana will always be there, with you. You can’t run away from reality. Tell her and leave it at that. She deserves to know the truth.

He fiddled with the radio stations, struggling and debating how to broach the subject. Thankfully, it was almost time for lunch. He swerved into the nearest exit where they could find a diner to sit and talk.

“Where are we going?” She sat up and looked at him.

“To a diner. Lets grab some lunch.”

“Ok”

(play the music for mood)

The small quaint diner seemed hidden enough not to attract much attention. Third Eye Blind played in the background while the place swarmed with truckers and construction workers on afternoon lunch shift. The two found a corner booth hidden from plain view. A tart and heavily made-up waitress stopped by to take their orders but not before she got a full minute of flirting with ASR. Khushi watched the interaction and realized he could be a charmer if he wanted to. She sighed.

The waitress left them alone and the two sat there for a few moments. Khushi decided to break the silence.

 “Who is Lana?” she asked flatly, staring straight at him.  

“Yeah, about that.” He sat back scratching his forehead. “I am sorry, Khushi, about the other day….” He stole a glance and did not like the blank look he saw. She was clearly upset.

“Who is Lana?” she repeated, as if she never heard his apology.

ASR decided it was best for him to come clean with her.

“About Lana.” He repeated and paused. He was fighting his inner demons, unsure of his choice of words but it had to be done.

“Her name is Svetlana. She was my fiancé.” He said it without ado and searched her eyes for any emotions. He didn’t find any, leaving him slightly flummoxed. She was waiting for him to continue.

“I met Lana three years ago. It was during one of our operations on a drug cartel. She was a hostage in the Russian encampment, smuggled in from Russia for prostitution.” He choked and swallowed with difficulty. Khushi watched him, fighting her own upheaval inside.

“We….I…made a deal with her. She had to help us, FBI and in return she would be free. I let her go after she agreed to become our informant with the Russian mafia. I took her responsibility, you know, her safety and protection and she would bring us useful information. She put her life in danger…to help….me”  grief washed over him as he explained his past to Khushi. She was beginning to understand his intense need to protect her, his confusion between Lana and her. He was reliving those moments with her. Suddenly, she felt a deep sorrow that she was not Lana and she will never be.

ASR exhaled for the hundredth time and continued, “Lana and I worked closely for a year, and… we started developing feelings for each other. It was against protocol, so we tried to keep it a secret. When the operation was put on hold due to budget cuts in the department, we thought it was over. We thought we could go on with life and be together, forever. So, we got engaged. ” 

He stopped and took a sip of water. Deep down, she could sense his fight to lid his feelings. He remained silent, grasping in the dark annals of his soul for more strength to continue.  

She reached out and squeezed his hands. “It’s ok. You can tell me.”

He nodded and she noticed his eyes moistened. He clenched his teeth to keep his emotions under check and looked away.

“And…” She prodded.

“Well, we planned to marry in secret and everything was ready to go. But….someone tipped off the sleeper cells of mafia that she was working for us and…” he couldn’t continue. Khushi knew he was revisiting old wounds he had probably long covered with a scab. She regretted taking him down this path.

“You don’t have to say anymore. I….I understand.”

“She wanted a full wedding, picket fences, and the whole American dream thing. You know she loved kids. I thought I could give her the life she deserved. She made me happy, she was….everything I had.”

He rested his elbows on the table and covered his face with his palms to hide his tears, his weakness for a past that he had tried hard to bury. He took several sharp breaths in. Khushi wanted to reach across and hug him. And she kicked herself for making him do this.

He composed himself and continued.

“She had planned the entire wedding, a small affair, because we did not want fanfare or unnecessary attention. So we invited closest family and friends to her friend’s house.”

 “That’s enough, Arnav, you don’t need to tell me anymore.”

“No!” he insisted, “you should know.”

She felt it was cruel of her to ask him about his life. She had shared nothing with him but here he was, baring his soul and revealing his vulnerability to her. She waited for him. After several more deep breaths he continued.

“Well, do you remember reading about the Galena Wedding massacre in the newspapers?” he asked sufficiently composed.

Khushi knitted her brows to recall, “Yes, I remember. An entire family was gunned down….oh my god! Oh no, oh my god! I am so sorry, Arnav, I am so, so sorry!” her face flushed in agony and tears rolled involuntarily.

He lowered his head and his body shook in suppressed weeps as he tried to control himself. Lana was massacred in a brutal shooting event. The newspapers had reported twenty deaths and the news had run on TV for months, in every gory detail. It was a massive case of organized crime related death in Illinios. And then Khushi remembered the gut wrenching part of the macabre event. The bride-to-be who was killed was reported to be one month pregnant at the time of her death. Khushi felt dizzy and her chest constricted on her. She fought to breathe, hyperventilating and allowing air into her lungs. 

“Oh my god, Arnav, I am so sorry. I am so sorry.” She repeated a million times more but she knew her words weren’t enough.

Khushi could not stop herself. She got up and sat next to him and held him, rocking gently to take away his pain in any way she could. He welcomed her warmth and pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face into the crook of her neck. A few diners gave them curious looks but Khushi didn’t care. She understood his devastation and knew she had to forgive him.

He was a scarred man. A wounded and lethal animal, whose dreams were shattered and destroyed by organized crime. His anger and single minded devotion to the mission and to her protection became clear to her. His resistance to their growing affection and his need to find warmth despite his resolve became clear to her. She knew he would need her as much as she needed him.

*****

After the conversation in the diner, the two were somber for the rest of the drive. However, with every passing hour, the air lightened considerably. She made up her mind that she would not ever ask him about his past and resolved to lighten his mood by steering the conversation to mundane. He warmed up to her attempts.

He admired her for trying to cheer him up. After another hour passed, they were back to shared jokes, sing-alongs with classic rock playing on the radio and discussing the Sabres. He felt better that she had chosen to forgive him.

The work ahead was cut out for him. She had begun to mean more to him than his next project. Her safety and well being had suddenly become the front and center of priorities. He marveled at how easily he had let her capture his complete attention, without trying. But then again, she was a sterling human being, kind, loving and caring. It was easy to fall for her.

ASR pulled into the long driveway of the Gold coast home of Dr. Gupta. The mansion was impressive to say the least and ASR realized for the first time that Khushi came from moneyed family. And it made him feel inconsequential for no reason at all.

He parked the SUV in the long driveway. He was satisfied to note the FBI security detail around the premises and noted the installed cameras surveying the area. He located a small guest cottage on the far right corner of the wooded property where the FBI security personnel had put up its makeshift office. He watched Khushi, one last look before her family claimed her back.

He opened the passenger side door, waking her from her short nap.

“Oh! We are home!” she noted with a smile. 

And his shoulders suddenly dropped in disappointment. For the next week, he was not going to get any private moment with her.